Nokia sat with his hands folded as he listened to the details of the mission briefing. The septuagenarian had felt like he did not belong there but a quiet voice told him that he was exactly where he needed to be. Apparently a pair of criminals had infiltrated the Village and he was being called in to intercept and interrogate the interlopers. The briefing was short and to the point, the decrepit geezer rose from his seat and exited the discreet ANBU base before acrobatically leaping onto a nearby rooftop. He had burned the coordinates of the point of entry into his mind and he chuckled with respect to how easy it would be to capture the two criminals. Nokia rubbed the bald spot on his head and allowed his wrinkly hands to roam his own body in search of his personal effects. The most important being a dirk secured in a wooden sheath that was strapped to his hip. He wore black as was custom of most shinobi, a typical full ninja suit with a patch of fabric that covered his mouth but left his eyes and unimpressive looking head exposed. Nokia crouched on a rooftop and massaged the hilt of his blade as he formulated an attack plan based on what he had learned. The man's eyes scanned the village until he saw movement in its Northwest corner, then he took off at his top speed towards the area. While stationery Nokia's relatively small size and advanced age caused many to underestimate him but when he was in motion any perceptive Nin would be able to tell he was a force to be reckoned with. While en route to the site of the break-in Nokia mumbled something through his mask to an imaginary companion.
"Hey Deni, I know where the crimbals are. Let's check it out!"
The words were said to the imaginary ghost of his late son Denkiteiki. The boy had been Nokia's strongest and favorite son. His only son. After his tragic death the father's slipping mind held onto him as the only constant in a heavily militarized and chaotic world. Secure in the knowledge that the spirit of his son would be with him always, Nokia arrived at the crime scene. The criminals had broken into a apartment complex that was largely vacant save for the few miscreants and hobos that squatted inside. The rundown nature of the building gave it the perfect cover to serve as an ANBU waystation whereby money and low leveled but important information was kept. Nokia scaled the side of the eight story building remarking at his good fortune. The basement of the apartment complex served as an off the books interrogation room that he had used in his prime. Nokia Maserati utilized the Tree Walking Technique to slowly inch towards the window of interest. The various junkies and miserable scum that lived inside the building were not like to be about at this hour. He had known some of them and had fed them food on occasion in order to bribe them to keep an eye on the place. Their natural inclination was actually predisposed to sleeping or getting high at night and so he was certain that those rummaging around in the room where the criminals he was sent to apprehend. They were not skilled as evidenced by ANBU's ability to detect them shortly after their infiltration yet the act of successful infiltration in of itself belied a sense of competency that he was not about to underestimate. The man inched closer to the living room window of the apartment that the criminals had broken into. Nokia pressed his head close to the wall and heard the sound of grown men ripping up floor boards. Nokia's supreme command of the apartment complex told him that this room in particular contained intelligence reports on an outlaw commander that was operating in the countryside. The Outlaw leader wasn't necessarily an existential threat to the village but he could be problematic for the various business contacts that employed the village's shinobi. Clearly, the criminals wanted some of the cash and intelligence stored in the apartment yet none of that concerned Nokia nor his superiors. The information in the apartment was not extremely classified otherwise it would not be stored there. What was troubling was how the criminals knew which apartment complex and which particular room contained the spoils. Leaks started as drips but could become torrents if unrestrained and not patched with great haste. Whoever was feeding the criminal organization tips had to be rooted out and tortured to death for information before they could reveal matters far more important than written reports on a low level outlaw commander. Now certain that the criminals had nearly succeeded in tearing up the apartment sufficiently to the point of near exhaustion, Nokia decided it was time to strike. He remained attached to the wall right near the window but drew himself back slightly and extended an arm in the opposite direction. The old man glanced at his hand before curling it into a fist and channeling sufficient strength for what was bound to happen next.
The fist careened into the wall with enough force that the entire structure exploded violently. The resulting shockwave reverberated into the apartment and threw the criminals off of their feet and into various objects in the dingy room. The momentum carried Nokia into the apartment but left a gaping hole that could be seen from the outside. Nokia Maserati's hand was barely bruised and he stood up straight all 5 feet of him. The criminals were not entirely without combat ability but could not match his incredible strength. Granted the senior shinobi's power had waned a bit especially after the death of his son but he was still as strong as a bull in comparison to the criminals. He drew his dirk and entered a defensive stance as he waited for them to come for him. The first criminal on his feet was a burly man that was a full foot taller than him. The man drew a machete and ran over to him in a blind rage.
"Gotta take em alive Deni, see what they know!"
Nokia executed a side step and counter that was so quick an after image was created. The machete swung at it and Nokia's false form dissipated as he re-appeared behind the man. The dirk was inserted into his lower spine with enough force to instantly paralyze his legs. The pain however was still excruciating and the criminal screamed loudly in anguish. Nokia wiped the blood from his blade and flashed the steel to the second smaller criminal who had clumsily attempted to form a few seals. Miraculously the signs were finished and a steam of fire jettisoned to his location. Nokia dodged and ran alongside a partially shattered wall with such blinding speed that he was a mere blur. Two slashes with his dirk and the second man slumped to the ground bleeding from both sides of his face. Nokia's skill with his weapon ensured that the wounds he had inflicted were not lethal. The pain however would cause them to lapse in and out of consciousness for the next few minutes and Nokia would take that time to carefully bind them and transport them to the basement of the complex. He sent up a flare for the ANBU clean up crew and grabbed a few half eaten cans of his village-infamous "Corn Beef-Corn Hash". The fare was foul and putrid but the homeless scarfed it down for the nutrients and proteins it provided. When properly enhanced with Genjutsu however it could serve as a potent interrogation aid.
The two criminals would find themselves tied to chairs that were bolted into the ground. They had been separated so as to achieve maximum results. Nokia Maserati would alternate between working the two of them. Keeping them alive but inflicting extreme pain and misery on each of them. Nokia walked up to the first criminal, the one who had with mild competence attempted to strike him down with a machete. The man was paralyzed from the waist down and had received horrible burns on his back as an instance of friendly fire courtesy of his criminal comrade. He wheezed in pain as he eyed Nokia defiantly.
"Go fuck yourself"
"Sheesh! He's a friendly lady Deni"
Nokia sneered in anger as his psychopathic tendencies would soon begin to manifest. He pulled out the blade he had used to cripple the man and began to slowly flay the skin from his face. The screams were so loud and horrifying that he had to cast an general illusion around the area to keep from disturbing the peace of those hobos who resided in the complex. From the bowels of the basement, the man's cries would echo but no one would come to save him. After a third of the skin from his flesh had been removed, Nokia pressed a finger to his own lips and shhhhhd dramatically. He licked the blade clean and stabbed it into the man's leg. No pain was felt but the sight caused him to dry heave and regurgitate on himself. He had been force fed Corn Beef-Corn Hash and then subject to illusions that caused the food to taste and smell unbearably bad. The chunky mixture of undercooked beef and oversalted corn dribbled down his chest as he began to cry and beg for mercy.
"Do you like dogs!?"
"Please I'll tell you anything just make it stop!!"
"Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf" Nokia cried as he mocked the victim.
"PLEASE! JUST STOP! PLEASE!"
"Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf!" Nokia continued
"JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!!"
"Arf! Arf! Arf!" the old man bellowed with a smile.
The exchange continued for a few minutes until the criminal turned prisoner was almost mad. He began to volunteer information on his own without Nokia asking anything. Apparently, his organization had received information from a mole inside ANBU that there was intelligence being compiled on their commander's movements. They had been sent into the village to retrieve the information and confiscated money. Unfortunately, they did not expect ANBU to catch on to them. A name was given: "Muramu". After much more prodding via flaying and force-feeding, Nokia learned that the commander was also in league with an enemy village and that the mole had sympathetic allegiances to this enemy nation. A trove of information regarding the mole was given and Nokia laughed generously as he wrote down the information and decided to use it as a reference point for the information given to him by the much more weak willed second criminal. Nokia slit the brute's throat and left his body for the rats before walking into the room containing the second criminal. The man had some knowledge of ninjutsu but was more or less a foolish coward. He had soiled himself from both waste orifices due to the sheer pain of his initial slashing. Nokia had yet to harm him in any other significant way and when the old man entered the room with blood and vomit covering his clothes, the coward began to wail and blubber words.
"We were sent by our commander! Please god just let me go! I'll never come back"
"How did you know what was in that apartment? Did your comumber tell you?"
"No it was another man! The commander knows him!"
"I want a name ya ole dingus"
"I don't know his name!"
Nokia grabbed a can of Corn Beef-Corn Hash and began to cut it open with his chakra enfused dirk. The top slid off and he scooped up some with the tip of the weapon and tasted it.
"You may get diseased. You may choke on a meat bone. But you'll definitely smile from the flavor"
The criminal began to cry hysterically as Nokia cast a horrifying illusion on him. Images of gore and the violence that had been inflicted on his comrade had flooded into his brain. He began to convulse and scream as Nokia smiled in approval. Eventually, the man felt that he was close to starvation as the Genjutsu tricked him into thinking he was extremely hungry. He rocked in his chair as he tried to get close to the can of Corn Beef-Corn Hash.
"You want some?"
"Yes please god yes I'm so hungry!"
"I need a name dingus!"
"Muramu" the prisoner squeaked out of sheer defeat and shame.
Now that he was thoroughly demoralized and desperate for food. Nokia would be able to extract more information. Most of what he heard fit into the story given to him earlier although there was minor discrepancies. He would leave that for the intelligence analysts to solve. For now he would congratulate himself on a job well done. The information was written down and stored away on a scroll kept on his person. The first criminal's throat had been slit and left for the rats. This coward however was an insult to Corn Beef-Corn Hash and would never taste its potent flavor. Nokia would watch him scream and beg for food for hours before decapitating him. He pried the body from the chair and threw it over his shoulder. The torrent of blood painted the interrogation room red and Nokia figured he would have the clean up crew make it all tidy should he ever need to return to his place again. The criminal's body would be introduced into the Corn Beef-Corn Hash recipe as a limited edition specialty ingredient. The coward would not be able to eat it but he would become it and his selfless sacrifice would be unknowingly appreciated by the various scum that lived in the apartment complex he had broken into. Nokia left the room but before he did he struck up a conversation with his late son.
"What did we learn to day Deni?"
The summary of the day's events and the lessons it provided were recapped to himself silently.
1. Corn Beef-Corn Hash is good for making outlaw comumber dinguses talk
2. Rats love handsome baby criminal boy lunches
3. Watch out when you shoot fire out your mouth hole or you can burn your dingus allies
4. Muramu is gonna dive into my new criminal creamed corn beef hash stew